Found some funny stuff on weknowmemes.com Check it out!!
A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.(Irish proverb)
Clip Compares Marriage to Kentucky Derby (Funny)
First Day on my new job
So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Helloo asshole, they ain't F@ckin twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just a Dumb Ass?'
So I replied,'I'm neither blind nor a Dumb Ass, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
RIDDLE ME THIS BATMAN....
At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth. One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor. The other is getting a blow job from an 85-year-old toothless woman. They are both thinking the exact same thing. What are they both thinking?
THINK ABOUT IT, ANSWER ON BOTTOM OF PAGE :)
Three men were hiking through a forest when they
came upon a large raging, Violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, The first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the
God gave him big arms and strong legs. And he was able to swim
across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God,
please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'
God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and
he was able to row across in about an hour sfter almost
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence
to cross the river'
He was turned into a woman. She checked the map,
Hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall, is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in...
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time, since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, " Get out. You're on my side.!!!!!!! "
A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asks him if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra....I'm still not hungry."
Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."
Answer to Todays Riddle
DON'T LOOK DOWN
Heard any Jokes or Funny Stuff you would like to share with the WastedYourTime readers?
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